Today ended up being a great, gay day.
That said, I woke up second-guessing my "decision" to go homo. Unlike many gays, deep inside I still feel I've made a conscious decision as a bisexual man to live a gay life. This may piss off "lifers" who feel that you're either born this way or not, but I say meh to them. I make my own choices in life.
I have occasional thoughts about a potential future as a "normal guy" with a girl. My questioning today came to an abrupt end when I checked my messages. Overnight, a guy dropped me the following SMS:
"It's Jaden, remember me from Friday night?"
How darling, a gay named Jaden! It's one of my favourite names for a boy.
The only problem was a pretty big one. I forgot who he was, and where, exactly, I met him (and provided him with my cell number). I'm not a (total) lush, and I don't give out my number to anyone, so, in my memory, he must have been a good lad, if not a total god.
I do remember giving my number out earlier that evening to a man who was older than me and not physically attractive to me (I'm clinically picky). That was a conscious decision made after we had a very interesting conversation. I knew he'd be capable of more of the same, and my gay circle of friends right now is akin to an extra-small cockring jammed onto a thick tool. Sorry for that visual (and any broken blood vessels).
From what I know of dating. a phone number is a number. If you got it, it's a possibility. If I'm offering my number too frequently, I may have to start using a tactic I learned recently after messaging an incredibly cute, young guy on a dating site:
"Thanks for the interest. Unfortunately we're not a good match."
I have to admit it worked incredibly well. It both comforted me and also let me off easily. I now use it often on the dating sites, it's way better than ignoring someone, especially if they're obsessed with your (3-year-old) face pics. It can work to "cut them off at the pass" before they start to badger you.
When Jaden messaged me, I couldn't help but smile from ear to ear.
It said to me that I'm now at a place in my life that a (possibly) cute guy with a cute name might be interested, at least in expanding his circle of gay friends. Better to prevent blood vessels from bursting than to keep things too tight.
It made me happy, even if I didn't remember the details, because it reminded me of the girls' numbers I accumulated over the years, without doing anything with them. And it reminded me of the blind dates with women, arranged by friends, that I abruptly canceled at the last minute.
Unlike those phone numbers and blind dates, now distant memories, I didn't want to avoid Jaden.
We're now online buddies, and I after seeing his face pic, I now remember (parts of) our conversation last Friday night.
While I'm not getting laid anywhere near as often as I'd imagined I would as an "out" man, I've certainly come a long way, as a man. And it feels great.