October 11 - National Coming Out Day

We all have at least one agonizing story to tell.

Some of us feel like we should never come out.

Some commentators feel like perhaps they should not encourage everyone to come out in every circumstance.

Some people who come out suffer.

Some who come out die.

Today, October 11, 2012, is Come-Out Day.  Let's not forget that freedom is not free.

Phallic Fallacies: Cocksperts Compare

Gay guys seem to want to keep some facts about male sexuality a secret.

For the longest time, I used to think these were a lucky case of "it's just me" but when recently comparing notes with others I've found that perhaps it just makes sense that male sexuality is something the gay community knows best.

Here are some of the most common misconceptions about the male missile:

1. Your dick always goes soft after ejaculating.

2. It's impossible to pee with a hardon.

3. There are squirters, and there are dribblers, but "storing it up" can make for good distance.

Let's take a fun dive into each topic.

Your dick always gets soft after ejaculating

It's something that we may have all been taught in Phys Ed, when the jock gym teacher was forced to teach us about cocks, balls, vag and the rest: The male phallus loses blood as soon as ejaculation is complete.

I can safely tell you that it's just not true.  At least not always.

Why is this fallacy so prevalent ?  Probably because most men do experience this every time.  With gay guys, however, there tends to be a hypersexuality that can sometimes either demand orgasm before the session is over, or motivate a man to get right back into it after a climax is complete.

Gay guys probably don't talk about this in mixed company because it may make us look (more) like ultra-horny deviants.  Plus, we don't like to brag -- most straight guys have sex or masturbate for one purpose: to bust a nut.  Not for pleasure, but for purpose.  Add the guilt many men feel after ejaculation -- not only with masturbation but even with a partner -- and you have a softie on (in) your hands.

It's impossible to pee with a hardon

This one was also taught in Phys Ed -- there is a "flap" that comes up during an erection that prevents the flow of urine, right ?  Well, for many guys, if not most, it's just not true.  Yes, the male body is designed to prevent urine and semen from mixing, and I'm quite certain there are complex biological firewalls intended to prevent a piss-and-cum combination from coming out at any one single time, but most guys with a boner don't have trouble peeing through it.

There are squirters, and there are dribblers

This one is probably the most complex of the three, and has the most potential to cause trouble, particularly in existing (gay and straight) relationships.  Here are the goods: guys who can "sometimes" or "used to" shoot a good distance are probably just lacking the stimulation the other times.

There are plenty of stories surrounding this one.  Some guys say they used to shoot strong but just got old.  Some guys say they shoot serious seed only if they "store it up" like a squirrel in the winter.

The guys I talked to suggested that, sure, holding off a couple of days might make for a more impressive shot now and then, but there's just as much chance of a globby dribble after a wait.

The answers ?  Stimulation and semen consistency.  The more exciting the situation, and the better the stimulation, the better the muzzle velocity in many cases.  For some guys, a new partner can bring-out the big guns.  For others, it is the build-up -- one guy said his best shot is usually his 3rd of the day.  While he agreed that the over-the-top titillation is a factor, he also suggested that less available sperm may mean a more watery and thus a more launchable load.

There's also the whole idea of timing.  A few said they sometimes try to "kegel it out" but others just let it rip naturally.

For guys in monogamous relationships -- gay or straight -- who used to shoot for distance but think they're just too old now might just be lacking appropriate stimulation.  Scary ?  Perhaps.  Just sayin'.


Just remember that a rocket-like cumshot might be a load of fun but it isn't everything.

As for your personal taste, long shots and dribbles are probably equal.  Another reason to stock-up on fresh pineapple juice.

Boy-Friends, Girl-Friends, Gay Friends

These are not my friends.  We never have this much fun.

Last week when out with my straight group of friends, I passed on the beer as I was exhausted, with only a couple of hours of sleep the night before.

Since I was in a weakened state, I took an unusual pounding in the verbal sparring that nearly always erupts when we're together.  You're not good at that, I know more about this than you, and remember that boo-boo you got for doing that dumb thing... the typical guy stuff, at least in my experiences living among the straights.

Being stone sober while they got a bit of a beer buzz might have made me particularly astute.  I think I figured out a simple truth, and I seek to learn how, if at all, this is different with groups of gay, instead of predominately straight, friends.

When girls get together, it's said they tend to drift into discussions about the girls who are not there.  This provides encouragement for each to go out with the girls as often as possible, if for no other reason, to avoid being the focus of discussion.

When guys get together, from what I've seen we aim to take each other down a peg.  Thanks to testosterone, most guys tend to strut with an inflated ego, and the get-togethers over beers or hockey are well-received because guys have learned that it's not only good to be taken-down a notch by people you trust now and then, but it's also great to take someone else down in front of everybody.

I don't yet have a group of gay friends, so I'm left to wonder -- is it the same for gay guys, and lesbian girls, as it is for their straight brothers and sisters ?  Is it the opposite ?

Or perhaps, depending on the mix of people, it's a bit from both.  I'm looking forward to finding out, but I'm also interested in hearing from you.

The Benjamin Button System

I've been telling people I'm on the Benjamin Button system.

Sure, I (so far [KNOCK ON WOOD OMG]) have some lucky genes in the aging department, but like many gay guys, I strive to fight Father Time.

There's no reason not to improve ourselves in every way possible as we get older.  Instead of aging, we can aim to improve ourselves, Mother Nature willing, year over year.

With some stumbles, personally I've done pretty good at this in these last few years of being a newly Out Gay, if I do say so myself.

I avoided sports as a child.  Was it because I was gay, or was it because I lived in mortal fear of breaking a bone or spraining an ankle ?

I learned very early in life that, to quote Chris Rock, life is not short.  Life is long.

If I avoided sports in fear of injury, perhaps this, too, points to "Gay."  It seems gay men are almost assuredly narcissists by nature.  A broken bone is more than an inconvenience, some sports injuries mutilate.  Yet Orlando Soria's recent poignant letter to straight people  (ironically poignant since it's a long letter, there are lots of points packed-in) states that all of us FFKs (Former Fat Kids) seem cursed with body dysmorphia... possibly for eternity.  He argues that gays could possibly be better people because of, in essence, our eternal self-hatred (at least that's what I took from his controversial post).

But to a degree worse than most, I ignored my health when I was younger.  That has made it a lot easier to live better today.  My core goal is to at least maintain what I still have, health-wise, but in any way possible, I now want to get better, and (fortunately or unfortunately) there's still plenty that can be done to improve.

I almost never eat fast-food anymore.  I don't smoke, and I am up on the current health sciences.

That should cover that all-important physical manifestation of the gay male body.

Perhaps it's far easier, however, to improve our biggest sex organ.  I do my best to learn as much as I can along the way.

If only we were all so inclined.

Gay... "Are You Sure ?"

It's terrible, but it's true.

"Dude, you're seriously straight ???"  That's a question that might get someone smacked-up in the wrong circumstances (sadly these "wrong circumstances" probably occur more often than imagined).

"You sure you're _____ ???"  This comes naturally all the time, from straight friends and even family of a gay, lesbian, trans or bisexual.  I've heard it myself from the most personal of sources.

I've only been "out" for a few years now and I have to admit I've even found myself questioning my own "gayness" now and then.  It's not that my preferences are in question, but what about my tolerance ?  Perhaps I could deal with a woman partner of some sort.  Just to fit in.

I've convinced myself that I was born perfectly bisexual, and this might actually be true.  When I was young I often enjoyed sexy lady pics and videos.  But then again a nice breeze in the right direction, and, well.... you get the picture.

When alone with a porno mag, the ladies were hot to be sure, but I really preferred the magazines with couples getting it on.

But it was the small ads at the back of a Hustler or another "specialty" magazine that really drew my attention.  There were sexy dudes naked, and gasp even getting it on with other dudes behind black censor circles.

And when I really dig into my memories, certain guys in high school captivated my imagination.

So ya, mom, I'm sure.

I'm gay.

I've probably always been gay.

And I've never been more proud of it.  I'm special.

Happy, on the other hand... that, I'm still working on.