And I'm not kidding when I say I really don't know what I want from my gay life right now.
I do know that I really need my alone-time. When I'm with people or even one other person, I'm "on". I'm personable and quite entertaining, if I do say so myself.
This generally works out great for everybody, but I'm probably best served-up in small portions. Just like when, say, a friendly house guest gets into Day 3, my patience with people can begin to wear thin. The plates start to mount-up in the kitchen sink, the bathroom starts to get messy, and the food stores run thin. My routines break down.
I give my all to people. I don't sit down on the subway until all of the women, childern and even every guy near my age or older gets a seat. Whatever the situation, I try to lighten the mood if things are particularly anxious. I pitch-in to help when something is needed.
Like I said at the beginning, I'm not a typical person.
My "specialness" doesn't seem to come through in online dating, though. When a guy is looking for a hot partner on a dating site, the last thing he seems to want to hear is that I'm nice.
When I'm out in public, I get more than my fair share of looks so I know I'm marketable. When it comes time to get phone numbers at a bar, stuff happens, but probably not as often as I'd like. I am getting on in age now, even though I'm graced with youthful looks.
If I have to resort to regularly checking Craigslist "Missed Connections" for guys who may have been too shy to say hello, it's time to think of other ideas.
And when someone special does come along, will I be ready ?
I wish I could say.
I do know that the routines that keep dirty dishes out of my sink, my bathroom relatively tidy, and my food stores well-stocked, probably could use some shaking-up now and then.