The "Straight" Friend

One of the realities I've learned to live with is that many (if not most) guys are capable of getting into hot man-on-man action, but many (if not most) choose to label these activities "icky" and live life as "totally straight" instead.

This is a tough nut to bust on the straight community's face because it could mean that many (if not most) straight guys could possibly"catch the gay." It's also a sploogy mess for the gay community to grasp because it messes with the "born this way" mantra that appears to be helpful in advancing gay rights -- "we didn't choose this, girlfriend, cock chose us."

As I've already said, I'm doubtful that I was born totally homo, but instead I've made choices to maximize my happiness. That said, I'm pretty sure I could have just (or nearly almost) as easily chosen to be one of the generally unhappy "straight" married guys who tell everyone who'll listen how much they're not getting laid anymore.

While I see my story as one of freedom and the pursuit of happiness, some scary straights may take it to mean that gayness is contagious and should be marginalized (or even worse).

Enter the "straight" friend whom I've gotten to know quite well over the years. He's in a relatively sexless hetero relationship, goes out of his way to brag about former female conquests, and, when I came out to him, was extremely uncomfortable having discussions in public about my sexuality or dating because he felt others would think he was gay.

He's overly macho for his stature, and he's sensitive, and there's no doubt that he performs well for the ladies. Chicks seem to really dig him so he doesn't really have any problem there. But for whatever reason, somewhere during our friendship he was interested in exploring some man-on-man sex play with me.

As a boy who was generally quite good at being bad, I can relate to this side of man sex for the straight/bi guy and as a genuine man-child I'm sure this was a big factor for him. But if it was truly "icky" then it doesn't explain why we've repeated our sex play more than a few times over the years (and I suspect I'm not his first dude).

That said, it's nowhere near being a romantic relationship, or even a completely satisfying sexual relationship. And it's become a confusing friendship.

"Straight" friend has been attempting to to repair his hetero relationship and while things were heating up there, he hadn't tried to contact me for a while. I was actually relieved.

But now he wants to come over. For the weekend. Sleepovers have an high win-rate with him so I'm back to being aroused, confused, and frustrated, sometimes one after another and sometimes all at the same time.

But inside there somewhere is (was ?) a friend. If he's more hetero than I am these days, maybe this is easier for him to resolve.

It's the kind of turmoil that I seek to shed from my life by actions like coming out -- maybe this backfired with "straight" friend if he now sees me as constantly hot for dick. Egad.

Nearly every gay man I talk to about this predicament tells me to stay the hell away, though there's always one hardcore straight fetishist in the room.

The sex play can be pretty hot (he's "being bad" since he's cheating, and I'm conquering a "straight"), but there are rules, weird rules that I figure are there to keep the boundaries up. I'm generally fine with them because I don't think I'd ever be interested in a relationship with him, even if he totally fruited right out in front of my eyes.

Sometimes there's some post-play confusion for him, and sometimes when all signs point to sex we've instead spent a confusing evening of let's-be-more-boring-than-typical-straight-friends role play, as if he made a conscious decision this time out to keep it straight. That's when I can feel like I'm being played.

Sadly, instead of telling him to go fuck himself, I fear I'll be subconsciously telling myself to just say "fuck him" this weekend, for what it's worth.